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India's Brand New Cabinet
Issue Date - 02/02/2012
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Manmohan Singh is a relieved man. Tired of carrying the burden of a non-performing UPA, he is now delirious with joy because he has been finally given the green light to reshuffle his cabinet. [Incidentally, he didn't mind the fact that the green light came from the IPL Chairman Rajiv Shukla.] Poor Dr. Singh is disgusted with his UPA-2 cabinet that he would have jumped for joy even if the message had come from Kiran Bedi, or Mani Shankar Aiyer for that matter. After hurried consultations with Ravi Shastri, Sunil Gavaskar and K. Srikkanth (Sourav Ganguly was not called because Congressmen are a little wary of Bengalis at the moment because of the Mamata factor), the great communicator has announced the following new appointments:

- Sachin Tendulkar as Minister of Surface Transport: Why not? Like his 100th century, Indian highways take forever to be built. And by the time they are built, the Indian economy, like the Indian cricket team, would be ruined.

- Virat Kohli as Minister of External Affairs: A natural choice. Hawks have been for long demanding that India must assert forcefully that it is a big player on the global stage. By using that old Great Game strategy called 'The Middle Finger', this youthful leader has more than proven his credentials for the job.

- Ishant Sharma as Minister for Parliamentary Affairs: By repeatedly failing to either bowl out or curb the opposition, Sharma has demonstrated the true qualities needed for this portfolio. Besides, using unparliamentary language with David Warner who smacked him for sixes has added weight to his credentials.

- Virender Sehwag as Minister of Defence: By consistently flashing outside the off stump and giving catching practice to people on the off side, Sehwag has proven that suicidal offence is the best form of offence for India to deal with its enemies. After all, he used to lead an IPL team called Delhi Daredevils. Of course, he narrowly beat Rahul Dravid, who is busy creating his own unique version of the great Wall.

- Zaheer Khan as Minister for Minority Affairs: Since most parties contesting assembly elections are competing with each other on providing quotas for Muslims, this talented swing bowler could only find this pigeon hole to be placed in. Maybe his left arm can do what the Right can never dream of doing.

- MS Dhoni as Minister of HRD: Who better qualified to talk of leadership, modern day skills and 21st century fighting spirit even as your nation or team is basically illiterate (literally or cricket wise), ignorant (cricket wise) and idiotic (both wise). Of course, K. Srikkanth, N.Srinivasan and IPL will ensure he remains relevant like the Aaakash Tablet.

- Rohit Sharma as Minister of State for All Affairs: Like most Ministers of State, Sharma never got to do any work because the oldies won't just let go.

Once he finished finalising this new cabinet, Dr. Singh actually started doing cartwheels even as he ran towards 10, Janpath. Even the SPG commandos hired for his protection found it difficult to keep pace with him. Suddenly, he found Sunil Gavaskar and Ravi Shastri who were waiting for Rajiv Shukla who was waiting for Ahmed Patel who was waiting for... Dr Singh couldn't care less. He shouted joyfully for the whole nation to hear: EurÍka! Who better than Sharad Pawar to be the Prime Minister with this new cabinet!

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